Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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