break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
