We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
