If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
