It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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