I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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