Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
