you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
