I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
