I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
