The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
