well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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