Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
