Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
