I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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