she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
