I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
