don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
