Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
