we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
