Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
