Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
