Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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