I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
