how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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