My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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