I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
