my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
