Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
