Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
