Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
