"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
