Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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