it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
