I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
