Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have aggressive nipples.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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