in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
