"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
