she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
