I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
