Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
