me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
