Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
