hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
