I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
