What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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