He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
