Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
