I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
