EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your cock deserves a montage
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
