Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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