She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
