sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
