I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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