Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
