my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
