she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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