yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
