i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
