I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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