Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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