I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
