Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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