the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
