peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
